I currently am off work as I have glandular fever. Leaves me a lot of time to ponder and think about how best to move on for my own happiness in the future. So last night I was laying in bed thinking about M and The Boy. Quite simply, as I told one of my friends at the weekend, I'm scared that I'm going to walk down the aisle on my wedding day to M (we've talked about the future) and at the moment, I'm scared that I'll wish that it was someone else I was marrying and not him.
The reason I feel this? Because sometimes he is so thoughtless to the type of boyfriend that I need. I need someone that takes into account my feelings and makes me an obvious part of their life. When he acts in that way, I say something to him and he goes mad at me because he doesn't understand and we argue in the most horrific way. Anyway, I digress...
I guess the key for me is my happiness. I want to be myself again. Maybe that's why I talk to The Boy, he just makes me laugh so much. We are so similar in some respects. Just at the wrong point in our lives, I guess. The reason why I stay with M is because I want him to be the perfect guy, I never would have committed to him otherwise. It's due to that commitment that I stay around now...
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