I've been working really hard at work and trying to sort my head out so I can move forwards. Things with M have calmed down considerably and I move into my new place for a new start on Jan 3rd. That got me thinking about TB and how I need a new start/perspective on him in order for the move to feel successful.
I realise that I cannot just ignore him. It hurts too much because of my feelings. I also cannot expect anything to happen with him. Even though I know it's what both of us want.
My new perspective is simply to take it for what it is: a great complicated relationship with the most beautiful man I've ever known. We may not end up together in the end and that is okay. I feel thankful that I've met someone that makes me feel the way he does.
I think the next year will determine our lives for different reasons. If he moves to London then I doubt I will see very much of him and I may meet someone up here/ he will meet someone down there. However if he stays in our university town or moves to a Manchester/Yorkshire and we still see each other. Then things may become a little less complicated.
Time will tell. And to be honest, the prospect of this next year excites me. With or without him, I'm going to be okay. I'm just so thankful for experiencing the love he gives me.
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