A few thoughts...

A new boyfriend...

R and I are together. So far so good...

Seriously talked about our future together which us exciting but scary at the same time. He's a great guy and I'm very lucky to be with him I think...

The question for this year is whether to stay here or teach abroad... A massive decision for me but I really want to do it. I love my job here but I don't feel fulfilled yet. I need to make a decision before it's too late and I want marriage/kids... 

Life changing... X

New year. The year of the Happy.

Happy new year all. I've been away over the festive season and come back and moved out of the flat I share with M. I think it's the best thing to truly move on. Still dating R. Things are going really well. Haven't slept together yet so we will see how that goes. When we are together it is electrifying though.... I quite like the fact that we are taking things slowly. That can only be a good thing...

The Boy has been snap chatting me. I've sent some back of my holiday fun (mainly of the sunshine, which he loves) and we've had limited contact. It's all been very friendly and nothing else. He has no idea that I really like someone else. As Per...

This year, it's incredibly important to me that I do things that make me happy. I spent a lot of 2013 trying to make others happy and doing a lot for them/not getting much in return. This year I want to be far more careful about the people I let into my life and the people that I spend a lot of time with. 

Time will tell... I love a new year! 

Meeting R..

No one is more surprised than I am that I have met someone. His name is R and genuinely, he is one of the nicest men I've ever met. We have great banter and he is just wonderful to me and understanding. Best of all when we are together he makes me happy and it's so simple. 

I haven't spoken to TB since I left his. I don't plan to. He doesn't deserve me; boys like R do. Cannot wait for 2014 and the future...

It's over...

Done it. He's not worth it anymore. Our lives are so far apart and he doesn't treat me like I know I deserve... 

Nearly four years and on Saturday he made me feel like I was just sex, that's all he had to provide for me. Yes I need that, but I also need so much more than he can give me... So I've had enough, my mind is made up and I'm walking away, it's for the best... 

Emotions...

So I thought I'd be okay. And I'm really not. Going to make some changes so I really am okay... 

Went to see him. Standard stuff. Just TB and I being our usual selfs until this morning when he announced that he hadn't put Leeds in his top 5 places for next year. I had suspected but hadn't had this verified. I was tired and emotional and went quiet on him. Ended up crying... Again. 

Basically he said he couldn't move or expect me to wait around when he's not sure what is going to happen. He thinks that it wouldn't work with us, and if we tried, then we'd just mess it up so there is no point. 

He's going to move down south next year. I'm almost certain of this. And then I won't see him, unless I go via his on the way to my parents. But I doubt that will happen. 

I can't write anymore because I'm still so raw about it all. I'm sad because it's so obvious to me what we should do. But you can't make someone do something that they don't want to do. That's life. And if one day it's right, then it will happen. 

Talking to Al...

My best friend. We had a storming row a few months ago and were totally brutally horrible/honest with each other. Since then things have been awesome. She's one of the only people that is anywhere near close to understanding me, my head and how I feel about TB. 

Today we had a long catch up conversation. And I mentioned that i have been hearing a lot from The Boy and I will be seeing him this Friday for a flying visit as I'm going to Birmingham to a party on Saturday. She's happy that I'm coping with my feelings about him now. For a long time; especially after the abortion, I couldn't cope. Now, I can deal with the fact that we're not, and may not ever be together and still have the most wonderful time with him. If we were together we'd just fuck it up now anyway, so actually a part of me just likes having the good stuff from a relationship. And 'that stuff' makes me feel rather good 😉.... I'll let you know how it goes...